He's Brawny, Burly and Has Biceps to Spare

This could ruin your day - or perhaps even the week and beyond.
I have a diabolical songwriting affliction. Songs create themselves out of nowhere. They stick in the brain for days or weeks.

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston

Faraway, unidentifiable music morphs into original music. Songs pour in at 3 a.m. out of nowhere. The simple rhythm of someone's walk results in music. The drone of a carnival ride kick-starts a wicked guitar riff. Entire compositions have emerged from the hours of sitting quietly in a deer blind.

No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

There are more than 100 of these songs recorded and split between tapes and CDs at home, and that's just a fraction of the anthology. The brain often creates songs I'm incapable of playing, and the catalogue of forgotten songs dwarfs what is recorded or documented on paper.

Often, worlds collide in terrible ways.

No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston

So when Hurricane Gustav came along, I was powerless to prevent what happened next. My brain exchanged "Gaston" with "Gustav" in that song from the Disney movie "Beauty and the Beast," and it has been on repeat ever since.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhG9hKiplfQ&feature=related

No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston

Have a nice week, and don't forget to review your hurricane plans.

No one plots like Gustav
Takes cheap shots like Gustav
Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gustav

Timewaster Of The Week-Aug. 25

This story-game one looks kind of complicated:

http://www.kongregate.com/games/ArmorGames/sonny

I don't have the time or patience for these. Maybe you do.

Random Video Of The Day-Aug. 21

So much for Mr. Showboater:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMZfdCkYPig

POW!

Requiem For A Snake Story

Snake stories in this non-award-winning blog have resulted in the first REQUEST.
So here it is:
The half foot of rain the past day on Southeast Texas surely will bring out snakes in Pinewood, where wild and domestic happily co-exist.
Other than the one about the copperhead that got into a neighbor's house and balled up in a pinball machine, there aren't many stories going around regarding horrifying or deadly snake encounters out there - and encounters are common.
When it rains like it has, at least a half dozen dead copperheads, among numerous other serpents, will be lying dead in the road the morning after the rains stop. Rains must make copperheads frisky.
I witnessed this on my first runs after moving out there and at first thought we'd move into a big snake pit.
But live snakes were rare. The ones I saw, usually copperheads, had their heads bashed in. At first, I believed it to be a product of morning motorists' amazing aim.
But I later learned it wasn't the motorists behind the slaughter. Groups of women, most of them senior citizens, were strolling around in the morning, carrying sticks or golf clubs and merrily braining the poor snake that made a fatal decision to slither across the road.
In the more than two years we've lived in Pinewood, I've seen only one live snake on the road while out running. In the pre-dawn light, I didn't see it until the last minute, forcing me to hurdle. I stopped and turned to find a huge water moccasin, casually looking back at me as if to say, "You want some of this?"
I didn't, so I ran on.
Had the little old ladies been there, they would have given him plenty.

That Tune You've Heard A Million Times

It gets played at almost every professional sporting event, particulary basketball.
It sounds like a drunken bee buzzing a tune.
It's lyrics are anything but complicated.
You know what it is. It's that song where everybody goes "Hey!"
Only it's not called "Hey!" It's called "Rock 'N' Roll (Part 2)." Never mind the reasons.
But how many of you know who created it?
For decades, I've thought it was Electric Light Orchestra. I can't remember why. It does have some ELO qualities to it.
But the musician behind the tune is a British guy named Gary Glitter, who was kind of famous over there during the big glam era of the 1970s.
The only reason Glitter came to mind was because he was released today from a Vietnamese prison after serving about three years for "obscene acts with children," with the incident involving two girls, ages 10 and 11.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,405982,00.html

After reading the story, I looked him up on YouTube and found the "Hey!" song.
Glitter now wants to live in Hong Kong or Singapore instead of Britain. He should still be living in prison for a long time to come.
Although he was a star in Britain, kind of a David Bowie Light, the only splash he made in the United States was "Rock 'N' Roll (Part 2)," which hit the Top 10 here in the early 1970s:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xd44PWZGzg

Here's Part 1, which is kind of Part 2 but with thought-provoking lyrics:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts78yHRyONg&feature=related

They're both annoying, and surely sports fans have grown tired of Part 2.
Hopefully the guy's star has faded forever, they'll pull the song from sporting events and we'll never be subjected to a Part 3.
Hey!

Timewaster Of The Week-Aug. 18

Grab bombs. Smash them together. Save the world.

http://www.crazymonkeygames.com/Detonate-2.html

Take A Walk

This nifty site ranks America's most walkable cities:

http://www.walkscore.com/rankings/

Here is the Top 10
1.) San Francisco: I don't know about this. I've walked San Francisco a number of times, and you need legs of steel to handle all the hills. Luckily, the city has great public transportation.
2.) New York: I've never walked it, but I've driven it. I'd rather walk it ... or maybe even lie on my back and scootch myself around on the pavement with my legs. Driving is a nightmarish bloodsport there.
3.) Boston: This is a great walking city, although the people can be grumpy and might not give you the time of day. I'd rank it No. 1.
4.) Chicago: Another great walking city.
5.) Philadelphia: I've never been there, but Rocky made it look like an interesting running city.
6.) Seattle: A great walking city, but kind of a San Francisco Light.
7.) Washington, D.C.: Should be in the Top 3.
8.) Long Beach, Calif.: Never been there.
9.) Los Angeles, Calif.: There are good things to walk and bad things to walk here ...
10.) Portland: Never been there, but they tell me it's nice.

Other Texas cities on the Top 40 list: Dallas (24), Houston (26), Austin (29), El Paso (31), San Antonio (32) and Fort Worth (45). I've run marathons in all of those except El Paso and Fort Worth.

I'd rank their walk value this way:
1.) Austin
2.) San Antonio
3.) Fort Worth
4.) Dallas
5.) Houston
6.) El Paso

You can also plug in addresses/street names and get a rating. Main Street in Beaumont scored a 65 out of 100, making it "somewhat walkable." Dowlen Road got a 38 out of 100, making it "car dependent."
The scores seem heavily dependent on businesses such as restaurants.
My street out in Pinewood near Sour Lake got a horrific 5 out of 100.
This makes no sense. It's a quiet peaceful, neighborhood. Kids cruise up and down on bicycles and golf carts. Groups of women walk for miles in the mornings. There's even a grocery store-restaurant down the street and a restaurant at the golf course a half mile away.
Oh well. I guess the walkability folks aren't too crazy about snakes ...

Snake Of The Week-Aug. 12

Strange things were afoot the other morning in the ficus tree in the pot outside our front door in Pinewood.
It looked like some kind of debris, but a closer inspection revealed a small snake. It was a serious snake, though, not one of those little dirt snakes common in Southeast Texas yards.
Every time something like this pops up - which happens just about every week in the wilds of Pinewood - the boys get a biology lesson. In the past week alone, they've gotten lessons on those thumb-sized ants running around as well as a friendly katydid. We discuss the critters in detail and differentiate the good from the bad.
The ficus snake at first glance appeared to be a rat snake, a good guy, but there was that small percentage of doubt that prevented me from grabbing him. So I grabbed a mop and used the handle to dislodge him.
He was not happy about this and began striking the mop handle repeatedly. Then he fell off and quickly slithered between some nearby rocks. Upon further attempts to dislodge him, he made a curious rattling sound, although this clearly was not a rattlesnake.
I ruffed him up a little but managed to get him out and transport him to the front ditch, where I set him free. He was gone by the time I came home from work, possibly thanks to the owls that seem to be quite busy this time of year.
A computer search confirmed it as a rat snake, an easily riled snake that makes a rattling sound with its tail when threatened.
Supposedly, they're easily tamed and make OK pets, but I don't think the wife is game for that. Besides, I get all the snake I need just jogging around the neighborhood in the morning.

Random Photo-Aug. 11

I don't know whether to laugh or call Child Protective Services:

Timewaster Of The Day-Aug. 11

I have little idea what this is:

http://www.combatgrounds.com

I understand it's basically recruiting guys for an army, training them, buying guns and then attacking people.

Sounds like an awesome way to start the week.

Random Video Of The Day-Aug. 7

Some good ol' boys from North Carolina singing about barbecue:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ubTQfr_tyY

I disagree with their assessment. North Carolina barbecue can't hold candle to Texas brisket.

Also, who the heck uses mayonaisse in barbecue sauce?

Alabamans.

Yuck!

Also, this one is hilarious:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLn45-7Pn2Y&feature=related

Timewaster Of The Week-Aug. 4

Flesh-eating zombies apparently make prime gaming fodder. The idea of killing in order to avoid being eaten adds tension to the game.
This is the second version of an old timewaster called The Last Stand, only it's way harder, longer and more complicated:
http://www.crazymonkeygames.com/The-Last-Stand-2.html
Instead of just staying in one spot and blowing away zombies, you have to shoot your way to a safe haven, picking up weapons and non-zombie help along the way.