I'm Tired Of These $$%*@%$#!*!@#**#!! Bats In My $$%*@%$#!*!@#**#!! House

They first made their presence known a week ago today.
I was stepping out into the pre-dawn gray light to go for a run and suddenly found bats swirling around my head. I figured they were here because the mosquito pickings were good. By the time I got back from my run, there was no sign of them, so I figured it was a temporary visit.
However, on Thursday around dusk, I saw them pouring out from a wall just above our master bedroom. Lots of them.
I felt terror in my heart. Why were they here? How far into the house were they? How could I get rid of them?
At dusk Sunday, I decided to take a bat census. I stood in my driveway with a neighbor and counted as they came out of the wall.
One ... Two ... ThreeFourFive ... Six ... Seven ... EightNine ... TenElevenTwelveThirteen ... Fourteen ... Fifteen ...
And on and on it went, all the way up to a terrifying 70.
Horrified and tired of slapping mosquitoes, I went back into the house, poured a glass of whiskey and sat down at the computer to do some research.
Bats are good. Bats in a house aren't so good. You can caulk up holes and crevices - and bats only need tiny ones to get in - after the flying mammals take off for their nightly feeding. However, not all of them leave, so you're supposed to build some kind of one-way bat tunnel so they can check out but not check back in.
However, this would be impossible for our bats, because they're coming out of spaces between boards all along the roof line. If not for our young kids, who might pick up a sick bat, as well as the possibility that they could get into the house, I might be tempted to leave them be.
After all, bats typically are migratory, so perhaps this colony, which showed up only a week ago, would move on in the next few days.
But they blew that opportunity this morning.
Arriving back at the house after my morning run, my wife informed me that at least two bats were flapping around our master bedroom.
Not good. How the hell do you get bats out of a house?
Not knowing what else to do, I grabbed a big plastic toy baseball bat and a couple of boxes and headed upstairs to do bat-tle.
I slowly opened the door, looked around, cautiously moved into the room and then closed the door behind me.
Then all hell broke loose.
Two bats came flying out of the master bathroom straight toward me, and I started wildly swinging.
I was going, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"
And the bats were going, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!," too.
I scampered into the bathroom, closed the door and shoved a towel under the door. I figured they'd somehow gotten in through the master bedroom fireplace.
Now what the hell was I going to do?
I opened the door a sliver and peeked into the room, and the two bats were casually circling the room in tandem, as if they were doing some kind of bat track workout.
Luckily, there is a back way out of there, so I made my way out and into the garage, where I grabbed a ladder and headed outside.
I got onto the roof next to the master bedroom and pried open a window, hoping the bats would just fly outside.
They didn't.
The duo seemed content to continue their circling. At least they were flying instead of hiding somewhere.
So I went and got a crab net, stood outside the window and waited. Sure enough, on my first attempt, I managed to snag a bat, haul him outside and shake him free.
The second bat proved to be more elusive. He flew through the next several times before I was able to catch him, toss him and the net off the roof and close the window.
The little fellow was still snared in the net when I descended the ladder. He seemed calm and submissive. I shook him free, and he merrily flapped away.
This morning's incident gave me less fear and more respect for the little guys. They didn't seem aggressive or dangerous.
Nevertheless, they can't be flapping in and around my house, and an eviction notice - in the form of Bat Be Gone caulk - most likely will be served tonight while they're out carousing the neighborhood.

Internet Rumbles

Lots of blogs and forums out there have been ablaze lately with debate over the war between Beaumont firefighters and City Hall.
The issue certainly is destined to make the Top 10 list for stories of the year, and the ongoing online propaganda campaign throughout the land has certainly provided a great amount of entertainment and given people a way to blow off some steam.
I love it!
Thanks to the Internet, people can chime in, even under the cloak of anonymity, with ease and speed.
On one hand, the Internet is a great place for healthy and spirited debate. On the other hand, it's also an avenue for people to hang inaccurate and mean-spirited comments and develop wacky conspiracy theories. The former just goes hand-and-hand with the latter.

The Beaumont Enterprise has multiple venues for public comment, from editor blogs and reader forums to the old-fashioned letters to the editor. We welcome - and encourage - your comments, good and bad. You can speak your piece online in various places at http://www.beaumontenterprise.com.
We'd love to have your comments, and we'd love to have the chance to respond.
We'd prefer that you identify yourself, but if you want to remain anonymous, that's OK, too. Just speak out!

Nick Lampson Has Forsaken Us

It is a simple, relatively benign story we are working on concerning Nick Lampson, our former congressman, tax assessor and school teacher, a man who dedicated decades to Southeast Texas public service.
We wrote a similar story after Republican Ted Poe dislodged Lampson from office in 2004.
The basic idea is to write how a politician affiliated with one party goes about establishing himself and gaining constituents' respect and support on the opposite party's turf.
In Poe's case, it was a Republican finding footing on traditionally Democratic soil. Now, for Democrat Lampson, it's the opposite over there in Sugar Land, a solidly Republican territory which he claimed Nov. 7 by beating a write-in Republican.
We wanted Lampson's comments for the story, but we couldn't get him to call us back after repeated attempts.
Yesterday, I called Mike Lykes, Lampson's interim chief of staff, and inquired why our Southeast Texas son was not giving his old newspaper the brush.
Lykes' response was shocking: It was not in Lampson's best interest to talk to The Beaumont Enterprise.
He cited a media and blogger beating - with the expected carpetbagging accusations - that Lampson suffered during this past year's campaign. I pointed out that I couldn't recall any such beating from The Enterprise.
He said he would talk to Lampson and then get back with me later in the day. He didn't.
Today, I called Lykes around midday to check the status of whether we still had a working relationship with Lampson, who began representing the 9th Congressional District in 1996, served as Jefferson County Tax Assessor-Collector for almost 20 years and was a teacher for nine years.
Lykes didn't return the call.
I made another call late in the afternoon and was put to voice mail. I left a blunt message. Lykes quickly called back.
Again, I asked whether he talked to Lampson. He did, and here was his response:
"He's not going to comment on the story," Lykes said. "We're just going to focus on the new District 22 area."
I asked why Lampson would want to divorce his former constituents here, people who are interested in what he was doing, people who voted for him and donated money to his campaigns, and Lykes replied: "It's not that he doesn't want to have anything to do with the district ... It's Ted Poe's district, and we don't want to step on Poe's toes."
Running that through my political translator, it basically means Lampson feels that any kind of appearance of dabbling in his old district would only fuel those carpetbagging charges. So, for the sake of political strategy, we've essentially been divorced.
In my 20 years as a journalist, I've never experienced anything like this.
My view is that any reporter from any place should be able to call the congressman who represents Boise, Idaho, and, at best, get a prompt callback from the congressman or, at least, some kind of statement cranked out by his public relations folks.
I once won a lunch bet by saying I could get U.S. Sen. Phil Gramm to call me back in 30 minutes. He called me back in 20. I had a nice lunch that day.
Alan Simpson, a former U.S. senator from Wyoming, once said that when the media is calling, answer the damn phone.
Perhaps Lampson should take note.

Firefighters Still Going Wild

Beaumont firefighters' incessant chest-beating over their pay raise escalated to new comedic levels earlier this week when they again marched on City Hall to grouse about City Manager Kyle Hayes getting a 3.5 percent salary hike.
The firefighters already have won a pay jump of 9 percent each year for the next three years in a move that will put their salaries comparable to some of their New York City counterparts and at the top of the scale when compared to similar-sized Texas cities. (The judge's ruling, however, is on appeal.)
And yet, they're audaciously finding things to complain about.
Retired firefighter Tommy May at a Tuesday council meeting suggested that Hayes be given "a boot out the door." He called Hayes "incompetent."
A look at the same cities for which The Enterprise compared firefighter pay showed that Hayes ranked toward the bottom paywise when stacked up against his counterparts, although the new pay of $145,417 seems pretty sweet.
The problem here is that after their noisy pay victory, Beaumont firefighters continue to rattle their bells and engage in bully tactics.
Before a judge upheld the arbitrator's pay decision, they bullied our City Hall reporter during a court hearing, with firefighters mouthing "bitch" under their breaths, according to the reporter. After the hearing, a fire department representative got up in her face, she said.
As part of our watchdog role, we're looking at all sides of this issue, comparing firefighter pay as well as city manager pay alike, for example. We're equal-opportunity snoops on all fronts.
On Tuesday, we started asking about how many Freedom of Information requests firefighters had made with the city, and John Werner, the lawyer representing the International Association of Firefighters Local Union No. 399, said it had been less than a dozen.
The city clerk's office confirmed this, according to the reporter, but some of the requests contain dozens of requests, and municipal resources are being tied up chasing down the information.
Werner, within an hour of her conversation with the city clerk's office, called the reporter to let her know what she was up to at the clerk's office, she said.
During Tuesday's meeting, Mayor Guy Goodson expressed disappointment in the firefighters' behavior, and Jim Rich, president of the Greater Beaumont Chamber of Commerce called their actions "silly."
All of the negative campaigning and intimidation maneuvers are not serving firefighters well, just like Democrats' negative campaigning during the 2004 presidential election turned off so many voters. The firefighters deserve a better image than this and perhaps should get someone with public relations expertise to take up their cause.
They're still pointing to proposed drainage projects and hike-and-bike trails as examples of City Hall waste.
Frankly, I'd much rather see fewer flooded streets and houses and more places to run, walk or ride a bike than see tax dollars go to ensuring that local firefighters, who enjoy a rock-bottom cost of living in Southeast Texas, are among the nation's best-paid.

Ah, Election Night

Pizza. Politics. Panic.
That pretty much sums up a typical newsroom election night.
An hour ago, peaceful described the newsroom. Only a couple of news reporters were here. Now, they're starting to trickle in and get ready for the long night.
Days ago, we put together an election budget. We have to decide which races warrant stories and which races warrant just numbers in a box. I came up with editor assignments as well as story lengths and deadlines. There are three deadlines, but I'll get to that later.
Normally, we don't share our story budgets with the public. We don't want the competition to know what we're up to. But we're all covering the same stuff, so what the heck? Here's what our election budget looks like:

ELECTION 2006
REPORTERS ON DUTY: Jennifer Avilla, Sarah Moore, Bro Krift, Beth Gallaspy, Dee Dixon, Christine Rappleye, Ryan Myers, Colin McDonald WITH SCOTT AND ROLANDO AT THE VOTING BARN.
EDITORS ON DUTY: BRIAN PEARSON, ELAINE WIKSTROM, PETE CHURTON
DEADLINES FOR EDITORS PUSHING COPY TO DESK: EARLY EDITION – 9 P.M. SECOND EDITION – 10:30 P.M. LAST EDITION – MIDNIGHT
NOTE: THESE DEADLINES ARE UNBREAKABLE AND NON-NEGOTIABLE.

EDITOR – BRIAN PEARSON
Gallaspy — JCJUDGE w/art — Job vs. Walker. Clerk. 20 inches. 8:45 p.m./10:15 p.m./11:45 p.m.
Myers – HOWWEVOTED — A look at how Southeast Texans voted in statewide races. Needs to include information about voter turnout. Also, were there any problems reported with the voting? 20 inches – 8:35 p.m./10:10 p.m./11:35 p.m.

EDITOR — PETE CHURTON
Krift — COUNTYJUDGES — Who won? Which party won? County judge races in Jefferson, Orange, Jasper, Liberty, Chambers, Tyler, Sabine and San Augustine counties. 15 inches. 8:35 p.m./10:10 p.m./11:35 p.m.
Dixon – STATEDISTRICT19 — Hamilton vs. Clayton. 12 inches. Lump in other state races with local interest. – 8:30 p.m./10 p.m./11:30 p.m.
Krift — BUNAINCORPORATE – 8 inches - 8:25 p.m./9:55 p.m./11:25 p.m.

EDITOR — ELAINE WIKSTROM
Avilla – LAMPSON — Is he back in office? Also, lump in other U.S. races with local interest. 15 inches. 8:45 p.m./10:15 p.m./11:45 p.m.
Moore — COURTRACES — 279TH District Court Race. 8 inches. :30 p.m./10 p.m./11:30 p.m.
Rappleye — USHOUSE2 — Also, lump in any other U.S races with local interest. 15 inches. 8:25 p.m./9:55 p.m./11:25 p.m.

Eslinger — ONLINENUMBERS — Can Scott post number online from the election barn? We'll find out!

NUMBERS
Gallaspy — JCCOUNTY
Dixon — OCCOUNTY
Krift — JASPERCOUNTY — NUMBERS ONLY.
Avilla — CHAMBERSCOUNTY — NUMBERS ONLY.
Rappleye — LIBERTYCOUNTY — NUMBERS ONLY.
Krift — TYLERCOUNTY – NUMBERS ONLY.
Moore — SABINECOUNTY – NUMBERS ONLY.
Moore — SANAUGUSTINECOUNTY – NUMBERS ONLY.

Of course, things could change. There could be a huge upset, maybe even trouble. We stay flexible.
The pizzas arrive at 6:30 p.m. Associate Managing Editor Sheila Friedeck is in charge of that, and I don't envy the job. It's tough to estimate how many pizzas will be needed and what toppings to get. You can't go wrong with pepperoni and mushroom, but there needs to be some veggie pizzas, supreme pizzas, meat pizzas and plain-jane cheese pizzas in there to attempt to make everyone happy. I once ate an entire large pizza on an election night and paid for it by being sleepy all evening. I won't do that again. In fact, I might not have a piece at all.
After the polls close, frenzy ensues. We rush to get updated results online. We rush to get updated stories on line. We rush to meet not one but THREE deadlines for the trio of editions during the evening. Numbers are being fed to an editor to enter into a grid for tomorrow's box.
One key to a smooth evening is having reporters write what some call "A Matter" (advance matter) and others call "B Matter" (background matter). Basically, they're partially written stories that have nothing but background and Xs where numbers will go later. They way, they don't have to write a whole story on deadline - and editors don't have to read a whole story on deadline. The A or B matter is pre-edited, so the reporter only needs to top it with numbers, quotes and whatnot, and editors only need to read that before shipping it to the desk.
Of course, few election nights go smoothly. The 2000 presidential election was a disaster for newsrooms, with busted deadlines and incorrect headlines aplenty. I almost needed therapy after that one.
Tonight should be simple, although I'll likely do some barking. I'll bark if they're pushing deadline to the limit. I'll bark if their story names don't match the budget sluglines. I'll say, "I don't care. Turn in what you've got!"
Reporters like to be thorough and obsess over their work. That's great, but tonight it's like M*A*S*H-unit mentality. Patch 'em up and move 'em along. We're not trying to be fancy. Get the facts. Turn in the story. Save the cosmetic surgery for the follow-ups.
Hopefully, I'll be out of here by midnight. But with these new electronic voting machines heavily into the mix, who knows?
I'll see you on the other side.

(Editor's note: This was also posted at: http://home.beaumontenterprise.com/blogs/editors/)